When my dad was around 85 and dealing with health issues, I made some time for the two of us to have lunch together while Mom was off with friends. I told him I\u2019d done some research that I wanted to share.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad,\u201d I said, \u201cA while ago you told me you wanted your memorial to be a bench at the university with your name on it. Well, I called someone to find out if that\u2019s a possibility and what the options are.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was a bit concerned that dad wouldn\u2019t want to talk about his mortality, but it turns out he was grateful for the conversation. Later, I was even able to arrange for him to choose the exact spot where his bench would be installed.<\/p>\n
Talking about the end of life is difficult, but I\u2019m glad I did. Talking about money can be just as awkward. It\u2019s easy to imagine an older parent feeling like you\u2019re plotting their demise. That\u2019s why these conversations need to happen with sensitivity. In fact, you might find that older parents have been thinking about this more than you realize. It\u2019s important for you to understand your parents\u2019 financial situation, for many reasons.<\/p>\n
For starters, you\u2019ll want to know if their money will last, or whether you may have to support them in the future. Also, depending on your parents\u2019 assets there are things they can do while they\u2019re still around to benefit children and grandchildren. But if you\u2019re in the dark about your parent\u2019s financial situation and their wishes, you\u2019re just waiting to be surprised later.<\/p>\n
If you haven\u2019t had these discussions yet, it could be your own squeamishness that\u2019s holding you back. It\u2019s hard to face the fact that someday the people you love will no longer be with you. The reality is that once someone reaches their 70s and 80s, they\u2019ve lost many friends already and they\u2019re likely to be regular obituary readers. It tends to make them very clear eyed about the future.<\/p>\n
Having tricky discussions with your aging parents may just be a matter of finding the right moment. Remember, it isn\u2019t something you drop on them the day you arrive on a holiday visit. If you\u2019ve never broached the topic before, take it slow. It\u2019s important to respect how your parents feel, and that probably means a lot of listening at first.<\/p>\n
If you tune into what your parents are thinking about, you may find the right opening for the money conversation. For example, if they tell you about a friend\u2019s passing you could bring up the importance of estate planning. Or discussions about a grandchild\u2019s college plans may be a jumping-off point for broader financial topics. It\u2019s likely that once you open the door, you\u2019ll all begin to feel more comfortable. But also, be sure it doesn\u2019t become the only thing you\u2019re talking about.<\/p>\n
The process of creating a financial plan can be a useful catalyst for money discussions with older parents. Tell your parents you\u2019re working on your own financial plan and imagine how proud they\u2019ll feel \u2013 they raised you well. This also gives you an opportunity to talk about the assumptions you can build into your plan around gifts, inheritance, and even support for your kids\u2019 college.<\/p>\n
Your financial plan gives you tangible and objective information to share and discuss. You can also help your parents understand the importance of having a financial plan of their own, with everything spelled out so there\u2019s no confusion or disagreements when the time comes for family members to carry out their wishes.<\/p>\n
My dad\u2019s bench has been installed exactly where he wanted it, on the campus where he spent 40 years of his working life. I went by there the other day and sat