I chuckle when I hear people talk about parenting as an eighteen-year responsibility. Eighteen? I passed that age more than a few decades ago and my Mom still takes care of me. Okay, and I take care of her, too. I also don\u2019t expect to be turning off the tap for my 22-year-old any time soon. Still, some parents wonder when they\u2019re supposed to be done supporting their adult kids financially. There\u2019s no easy answer.<\/p>\n
The idea that there\u2019s an age when you can kick your kid out of the nest and they fly on their own has felt antiquated for a while now. There are a number of reasons kids continue to depend on their parents even after they can legitimately be called adults. The uneven economy\u2014which was blown up by Covid\u2014has made it harder for young adults to land jobs that can fully support them. Many college students are graduating with hefty debt. And housing is taking a bigger bite out of monthly budgets.<\/p>\n
But it seems there are other reasons parents continue to help out their kids. One is that they always have. It actually takes some conscious weaning to hand over responsibility for things like car payments, insurance, and the shared cell phone plan. Some parents equate financial ties with emotional ties. They see it as an expression of their love.<\/p>\n
A lot of parents land somewhere between completely cutting the kids off and forking over everything they ask for. When a young adult is just starting out, financial support from family can make a big difference. Their early career choices can be based on building experience rather than maximizing salary. They might have more flexibility to live in a location with better opportunities. Or they could explore additional training that sets them on a better path.<\/p>\n
It’s important to understand your reasons for providing financial support. First, make sure it\u2019s because you want to, not because your kids demand or expect it. Perhaps your parents helped you out early on, and it feels good that you can do the same. It may help you rest easier if your kids can avoid heavy debt. It\u2019s also an opportunity to share lessons about making good financial decisions\u2014even if you\u2019ve learned some of them the hard way.<\/p>\n
Now, it\u2019s possible that your child may not want any financial support. Maybe they really want to try to make it on their own. Or, they might feel like there are too many strings attached, whether real or emotional. Respect their boundaries, and let them know you\u2019ll be there if they need you. After years and years of self-sufficiency, my parents provided a vital safety net when I got divorced. It was hard to ask for it, but it sure made a difference.<\/p>\n
Things can get complicated when you\u2019re deciding to continue helping out grown children. Here are just a few things to think about:<\/p>\n
At the credit union where I led marketing until 2017, I conducted some focus groups with young adults. They all said they learned about managing money from their parents\u2014either because their parents took the time to teach them, or because they did a bad job with their own finances. Thinking back on that reminds me how much we make a difference in the lives of our kids, even when they\u2019re no longer kids.<\/p>\n
Be sure to factor in your children when you work on your financial plan. Your financial advisor can help you figure out what kind of support you can afford, and what type of strategies might be best to assure long-term security for all of you.<\/p>\n
Questions to think about when kids need your support:<\/p>\n
Action steps:<\/p>\n